8 Ways Men Should Be Spiritual Leaders

None of this changes the truth of a man’s role in a household, and there is simply no avoiding it. God has called men to be the spiritual leaders for their own families and to exhibit spiritual leadership to those around them. 

The concept of men providing spiritual leadership within a Christian home is quite deeply rooted in the Bible. In Ephesians 5, Paul makes clear the role of husbands and of wives – and also points to the reason. 

“Submit to one another, out of reverence for Christ. Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord” (Ephesians 5:22).

Husbands and wives are to submit to one another, yes. And yet, the wife is to submit to her husband as she does to the Lord. Why would this be so? It is not simply a matter of Paul’s misogyny, as some have wrongly accused. Paul explains that the relationship between a husband and wife represents the relationship between Christ and his Church:

“This is a profound mystery — but I am talking about Christ and the church” (Ephesians 5:32).

Thus, the roles are defined not by some ancient rules or rituals, but rather by the Lord’s relationship to his Church that we are to appreciate and honor. Paul is quite clear just a few verses earlier what this relationship looks like:

“For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the Church and gave himself up for her” (Ephesians 5:23-25).

This is not at all about dominance or authority, but rather about a husband being a servant leader to his wife and to his family. It is about guiding your family towards Jesus Christ. In his letter to Timothy, Paul’s teaching is clear and strong:

“Anyone who does not provide for their relatives, and especially for their own household, has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever” (1 Timothy 5:8).

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It’s hard enough in today’s day and age to simply to live life. After all, there is so much demand on our lives: finances, jobs, kids’ activities, social life, keeping our homes and cars up, just to name a few. As it stands, we barely get time for ourselves to sit and take a breath. 

And now, with all of that, we add spiritual leadership too? What does that even mean and how in the world do we even do that? Isn’t it enough that our families know we believe?

Well, the answer to that question is no – it is not enough. We are to set the examples for what it means to be a disciple of Jesus. We are to make sure that our families know why we do what we do and live how we live – and to help them learn. Now you might be asking, “but how do I do that?”

Well, like anything we do in life, there are certain disciplines – practices – we ought to follow. We certainly do that in our jobs, our hobbies, our driving, in what we eat or drink, in our exercise. In virtually every aspect of our lives we each create and follow habits that we live by. Why should our faith be any different, and why should these practices not be applied to our roles as spiritual leaders?

1. Be Diligent in Your Own Relationship with God

“Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind” (Luke 10:27).

It is so easy today to let life interfere with our personal relationship with Christ. We must ensure to maintain those habits that keep that relationship growing stronger. 

Pray continuously: Use prayer to open your heart to Him, and rely on prayer as a connection, a shield, and a lifeline.

Daily commitment to God’s word: Read, study, and meditate on Scripture to align your heart with His truth, and to help you teach it to your children.

Fellowship and accountability: Maintain relationships with other godly men to encourage and support each other.

Church community: Worship and serve in a local, Bible-teaching church where you can truly connect with other believers and do life together as a church family.

Guard your heart: Avoid situations that could lead you into temptation. Guard what you watch on television or listen to or read. At work, avoid the flirtatious co-worker, even though it may stroke your ego.

The thing is – by each of these and others, you are setting an example for your family.

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“I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me” (Galatians 2:20).

Live the life we are called to as disciples of Christ. If you are truly led by the Spirit, then your life will display the fruit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control (Galatians 5:22-23). We will avoid obscenity and coarse jokes (Eph 5:4) and will live with integrity (Proverbs 11:3). 

We will show our faith by serving others in whatever way we can (Matthew 22:39).

Remember, when we give our hearts to Christ, we are new creations; we are born again and we are led by the Spirit.

3. Guard Your Wife’s Heart

“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her…  In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself” (Ephesians 5:25, 28).

Our role as spiritual leaders for our wives is not about superiority in any way. We are called to submit to one another. We are called to love and sacrifice our lives for her just as Christ did for us. We are to love her and care for her – putting her needs above our own. We are to pray for her, listen to her, encourage her – and to know her very heart: her desires, her cares and concerns.

In other words – we are to do all the things that comedians and wives love to joke about that their husbands do not do.

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“Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4).

Raising kids is a difficult thing. The Bible is the closest thing to a parents’ training guide we have. We are not to provoke our kids to anger – but that doesn’t mean they will never get angry at us. It seems to come with the territory of bringing them up as we should. Let’s face it, sometimes proper discipline can’t help but provoke them to anger, but proper discipline means it is in the right way. It is something we can let the Spirit lead us to accomplish with love.

Most importantly, we are to bring them up to know the Lord. We can choose to have the difficult conversations so many parents avoid – about their spiritual walk and their temptations that face all kids, especially today. We teach them how to handle those temptations, and we do it all in love.

5. Maintain Family Times of Devotion and Prayer

“For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them” (Matthew 18:20).

What could possibly bring a family closer together than praying together and studying the Word together? It certainly does not have to be overly academic or scholarly. Read devotions together and then talk about it. Have some fun with it, but do it.

6. Be Willing to Sacrifice for Your Family

“Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves” (Romans 12:10).

The Lord sacrificed His only son for us, so that we could have eternal life. If God can make such a sacrifice for us, how can we not ourselves make such a sacrifice for our families? We must be willing to sacrifice our own wants and desires for the wants and desires of our families.

The options are often simple and direct. When given a choice between serving one’s self or serving one’s family – family comes first. It is a decision that will have a lasting impact on your family and on you.

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“But if serving the Lord seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve…But as for me and my household, we will serve the Lord” (Joshua 24:15).

We must each choose who and what we will serve. Will we serve the gods of our jobs, our finances, our possessions and careers? Will we serve our own pleasures? Or will we serve the Lord by serving our families?

As a youth baseball coach for ten years, I witnessed firsthand the influence on the children of those parents who were committed to being there for their kids, and those who simply used sports as a convenient babysitter. The difference was quite visible, powerful and incredibly impactful. 

“Hey, I work long hours to support my family” is nothing more than an excuse. It is a choice we make. These are times with your family you will never get back, yet you’ll wish you could re-live them. When you choose wisely, it will leave you with a warm heart and warmer memories.

8. Involve Your Family in a Church Community

“And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another — and all the more as you see the Day approaching” (Hebrews 10:24-25).

The strength of a church community – a church family – cannot be overstated. There is something about worshipping together and serving together that perhaps cannot be explained. The friendships we gain are strong. The support from those friends is irreplaceable. As the entire family is involved and serves, the impact is something not found elsewhere.

Servant Leadership

“For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many” (Mark 10:45).

Indeed, it is God’s design for men to be the spiritual leaders of their families. By extension, they naturally evolve as spiritual leaders of their church communities, their small groups, and the other men in their groups. God ordained this family structure for reasons only He knows – but He knows far better than we. His ways and thoughts are certainly higher than our ways and thoughts. 

“’For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,’ declares the Lord. ‘As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts’” (Isaiah 55:8-9).

Jesus came as a servant to others, to serve, rather than to be served. Perhaps this should be our goal: to emulate our Savior in servant leadership. 

In today’s world, we need men who are willing to stand and rise to the task that God has assigned. To be godly, loving, Spirit-led leaders for their wives, for their children, for their communities, and most importantly, for Jesus.

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