Men Are from Earth and Women Are from Earth (Part 1): So Deal with the Dangerous Foxes

I'm not a hunter, but I have many friends who delight in such foolishness (I mean, recreational activities!). To be honest, I don't think their elevator reaches the penthouse, if you know what I mean. Now let's think about it for a minute. Here is a guy with two options. Option 1: He can, at 4:00 a.m., climb up into a tree in a contraption called a deer stand and freeze while waiting to shoot Bambi. Option 2: He can be back home in a nice warm bed holding his woman. This is a no-brainer as far as I can tell! Now let me be fair. I'm not against hunting, fishing, or many other good things like this that men and women do. What I am against is giving our best time and quantity time to things that really do not matter, that are not the most important. And there are a couple of new and extremely dangerous foxes in the woods who are doing some serious damage in this area. One is called "the Internet." The other is called "video games."

68The Internet, with access to pornography on the one hand and cyber romances on the other, has become a major breeding ground for adultery and infidelity. It has also become an enslaving and cruel taskmaster for many males who do not grow into the men that God created them to be. Interestingly, the average male video game player is now 35!3

All of us must take control of our calendars and spend our time well and wisely. We must avoid the places of temptation. And we must learn the art of saying "no" to even good things so that we might say "yes" to the better and best things. James 4:14 says our life is "a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes." We do not want to get to the end of that mist and look back with regret for the time ill spent.

The Bible warns us about the deadly and destructive power of adultery. Listen to the warning and wisdom of Proverbs 5:1-14:

What are the warning signs this dangerous and evil fox may be lurking near, hiding out in, your vineyard? Carefully consider these 10:

These are just a few of the foxes that open the door to an affair, to adultery. It comes about slowly, over time, almost without notice. It is a deadly and devastating fox that will take you where you don't want to go and cost you so much more than you want to pay. Paul says in 1 Corinthians 6:18, "Run from sexual immorality." Wiser words have never been written.

Marriages get in trouble when the wedding vows are considered conditional. They get in trouble when marriage is no longer considered a sacred covenant before God. They get in trouble when divorce begins to be considered as a possible solution to an unhappy situation.

70Let me be both a prophet and a pastor at this point. First, the prophet: God hates divorce, and He is not ambivalent about it. In Malachi 2:16 the Bible says, "'For I hate divorce,' says the Lord" (NASB). And in Matthew 19:6 Jesus says, "Therefore, what God has joined together, man must not separate." God designed marriage to be permanent. He planned for it to last "until death do us part." We must not surrender this ideal. We must not lower the standard.

However, and now I will be the pastor, we live in a fallen and broken world where sinful things happen, including divorce. Rocks should never be thrown at those who have suffered the pain and sorrow of divorce. Instead, we extend marvelous grace and redeeming love. We claim the promise of 1 John 1:9 that "if we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." We acknowledge that we cannot change our past, but by God's grace, for His glory, and for our good, we can do something about our present and our future. Daily we should recommit ourselves to a lasting and lifelong marriage that reflects the beautiful covenant relationship of Christ and His church (Eph 5:21-33). Divorce simply will not be an option. We will, with God's help, find our way through any and every problem because we are in this thing called marriage together and to the end. We are as committed to one another as our God is committed to us, as Christ is committed to His church.

We have repeatedly emphasized that God made men and women different and that He did so by divine design (Gen 1-2). I think it is sometimes helpful to consider this truth playfully. After all, being serious all the time is not conducive to good marital health!

I have often said that men are like dogs and women are like cats. I have good evidence for this conviction. Think about it. A man is like a dog: If you feed him, praise him, and play with him on a regular basis, you will have a happy man. On the other hand a woman is far more complex and mysterious, much like a cat: A cat can walk into a room; you look at it, and it looks at you. It walks over to you and begins to purr and rub up against your leg in a sweet and gentle fashion. The cat then quickly turns around and walks out of the room, and you say, "That was a really sweet cat." However, a few minutes later that same cat walks into 71the room; you look at it, and it looks at you. Suddenly without provocation or warning, the cat leaps for your face and tries to claw out your eyeballs! Now that was the same cat that came in so sweet and gentle a few moments ago. But something happened while that cat was out of the room. You have no idea what it was, but it certainly changed the disposition of that cat in a matter of seconds. There are some significant similarities between a cat and a woman!

A friend of mine heard me draw this analogy some years ago, and he sent me something that reinforced my thesis that men are dogs and women are cats. I suspect you will enjoy this!

Is It a Cat? Is It a Woman? Maybe It's Both! Why?

Is It a Dog? Is It a Man? Maybe It's Both! Why?

72Yes, men and women really are different, and they are different in some significant ways. You would almost think someone designed it that way!

Practical Applications from Song of Songs 2:15

A number of years ago Harry Chapin wrote a song entitled, "We Grew Up a Little Bit." He did not have many answers, but he sure knew how to raise the right questions. The words of this song are powerful. They challenge your heart and your commitment to each other to grow at least a little bit every single day in this precious relationship we call marriage.

The song tells of two young people who get married, which makes them grow up a little bit. The struggles of getting started and working menial jobs make them grow a little more, but also lead to conflict—which also makes them grow a little. As they spiral down into a dead marriage, and as abuse enters the picture, the singer questions whether they really have been growing at all. The song ends with the question of whether they could start over and start growing from this point forward.

The gospel of Jesus Christ transforms us into "a new creation" (2 Cor 5:17). We see things with new eyes. Our hearts are transformed with new affections.

Let's make specific application to men in this study. A husband is now able to live with his wife with "understanding of their weaker nature yet showing them honor as coheirs of the grace of life" (1 Pet 3:7). To use the imagery of our Song, a husband becomes more sensitive to "the little foxes that ruin the vineyards." He, as a gospel-transformed man, is no longer corrupted by deceitful desires. Rather, he is daily renewed in the spirit of his mind in righteousness and purity of the truth. He doesn't speak lies to his wife, but tells her the truth. He will not go to bed angry with her, but will take whatever time and energy necessary to work through their conflicts and disagreements. With a Christ-confidence and conviction, he determines not to give the Devil 73an opportunity (Eph 4:22-27). "None of these little foxes will invade my vineyard!" he says.

Further, he spots the little foxes that love to corrupt our conversations. With the aid of the Holy Spirit, he strives mightily to kick from the vineyard the foxes of bitterness, anger, wrath, shouting, slander, and malice. Finally, after dispensing with these little foxes, he replaces them with the blossoms, flowers, and fragrances of kindness, compassion, and forgiveness. Indeed, he chooses, as an act of his will, to forgive his wife of any and all offenses "just as God also forgave [him] in Christ" (Eph 4:30-32). You see, the little foxes that can harm our marriage have been dealt with at Calvary. They have been nailed to the cross. Christ has already put to death the little foxes that ruin the vineyard. The victory for our marriages is already accomplished. It is ours for the taking!